I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He? As in you personified your dick?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
