she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
