do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
you're hired as official boob wrangler
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
