I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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