Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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