No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
