I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
