Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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