I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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