Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
