obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
and you fell through a lawn chair
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
