the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
