So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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