i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
