i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
