I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Of course I have a pirate flag
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
