My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
