you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize