Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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