i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So vagazzling was a success
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
