It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
