where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
