these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
