Will you blow on my dice?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
