Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
