will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Brb crying the tears of my youth
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
