I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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