I'm going to jail i love you
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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