Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
my nose is crying tears of wow.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
