my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
