i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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