please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize