1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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