I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I think I just sharted jello shots
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
