She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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