I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
