My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
nutella sex= disaster
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
