Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
