non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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