He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
