All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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