as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
This beer is not sobering me up at all
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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