I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
