Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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