His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
