Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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