I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize