"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
