so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
