Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you didnt know i had herpes?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize