He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
