Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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