So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
