There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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