We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
