I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
