This is not my ceiling
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
