I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
