He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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