Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
