The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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