I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
