physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
