You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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