I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize