i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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