3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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