You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
